3 months "home"

As I sit here thinking of where to even start, I struggle with putting my feelings into words. Just as I have struggled for the past almost 3 months.I honestly cannot believe that it's coming up on 3 months since this experience that I never wanted to end. Every day I miss India. Every other minute my kids are on my mind...my thambis (Udhaya, Lokesh, Sathish), my beautiful sisters, my best friends, my fellow inspiring teachers, my Carmel family. Not a day goes by that I don't think of them and the wonderful times we shared together.

June 2nd marks the first day of a new school year at Carmel Matriculation School. Every ounce of my being wishes that I was there; greeting all of the children, seeing my favorite teachers, teaching my incredible students and living my passion. But I'm not. I am on the other side of the world, going day by day working hard so that one day I can see my Carmel family again.

**Just a quick side note: Throughout this post, I'm referring to being back in the US as "home." There is a reason behind that. Ever since I returned from India, I've had some strange feelings. I was so happy to be reunited with my family and my best friends. I was thrilled to get back to work and see the adorable babies and awesome families that I've grown so close to over the past few years. But at the same time, I felt sadness, heartache and a strong feeling of homesickness. It was really weird for me because what used to be home no longer really felt like home. So that's why I am referring to the US as "home." **

One of the most difficult parts of being "home" is not being able to see my kids or go and hang out with them in my free time. One day, I'm spending nearly every waking moment with them, whether I am teaching, playing, talking, singing or praying; and the next, I am on the opposite side of the world, only able to look at photos, write letters, facebook chat or very rarely speak on the phone if I miss them.

My heart literally feels as though it is breaking to be so far from my 3 thambis. To not be there to greet them as they return to the hostel. To not be there to encourage them as they begin a new school year. To not be there to wish them sweet dreams or good morning. To not be there to advise them as they mature and grow in their faith. To not be there to play football with them or hear Lokesh's heart-warming laugh. To not be there to share snacks with them when they are hungry. To not be there to share my special wink with Udhaya, the wink that makes him smile every time. To not be there to put a smile on their faces when they are feeling sad. To not be there to hug them and tell them just how much I love them. Every single one of these things eat at my heart because I know they have no one else.

It's really odd when I compare missing "home" while I was in India as to missing India when I am "home." There is no comparison. My heart never once felt like this while I was in India. Every day was an adventure as I waited to see what God had in store for me that day. My heart was happy much of the time. I loved teaching my students with all that was in me. The conversations, friendships, games, jokes and routines that we created in spoken class kept me going through any trials that came my way. I was with my kids all the time almost the entire part of the day and it made me feel at peace with the world. I never felt as if I was just on autopilot going from day to day. Things bring me happiness here, but it's a different kind of happiness. I think of all my kids in everything I do and it just makes me miss them that much more. I've never felt so homesick in my own "home."

Being "home" has given me a real opportunity to think. I think...no, I know God has blessed me greatly. My family, my friends, my "stuff," my job, all of it. However, these 6 months that He gave me at Carmel were something to open my eyes and see His purpose for my life. He showed me my gifts and how they could be used to great effect where they are most needed. When it comes to living my life, I want to live it to the fullest; not having even one moment that I look back on wishing I'd done differently. I want to live out God's plan for my life because what plan would be better? I want to seek the Lord in all I do and follow His call. If I do that, I know God will never let me feel alone or heartbroken. He will help me to work through my trials and come out a stronger person because of them.

As I look back on my incredible experience in India (which I do quite often to be honest), I realize the impact that I had on the Carmel community was quite significant. I surpassed all of the goals I set for myself.

1. I made sure my thambis experienced God's love, giving them a kind of love that they probably thought they would never receive again in their lifetimes.
2. I reached out to people who most needed Jesus Christ in their lives - the Special Project children, the teachers, my students and their families, the beautiful unforgettable babies of Bethel's baby home.
3. I taught the most amazing 400 students I've ever had the pleasure of teaching, increasing both their knowledge and use of spoken English.
4. I encouraged and advised many children at the hostel who had pieces of my heart.
5. I established lifelong friendships with my amazing fellow teachers, encouraging them to be the best teachers they can be for their well-deserving students.

The list goes on and on.

When it comes to my greatest wish for my Carmel family during my stay there, it's that they saw Jesus in me. There's a beautiful contemporary Christian song that describes just that.

Let them see You in me
Let them hear You when I speak
Let them feel You when I sing
Let them see You, let them see You in me
("Let Them See You" by JJ Weeks Band)

When it all comes down to it, I feel like that is our dream as Christians. To allow Jesus to live in our hearts and to shine in all that we do. To spread His love far and wide so that we can further God's kingdom and help those in need. I hope and pray that they saw Jesus in my actions, words and songs. I pray daily that these children continue to let Jesus shine in their own lives.

God opened my eyes to many things on this trip. He showed me what I am capable of. He showed me the direct impact I had on the teachers through a touching (to say the least) farewell ceremony prior to leaving. He showed me the children's love through their touching words, sweet gifts, heartbreaking goodbyes and never-ending hugs on my last day. I am beyond thankful for all of it. It changed me as a teacher, a Christian, a sister, a daughter and as a person living on planet Earth.

I want to get out there. I want to help others in need. I want to be by my thambis' sides when they need me most. I want to teach more at Carmel. I want to spread the love of Jesus Christ to as many people as possible. I want to live out my dream because I know it's possible and I know how much of a difference it could make in many people's lives. In 2009, on my very first trip to India, the Lord ignited a spark inside of me. It continues to burn and grow bigger as my passion for India deepens. I know in my heart that I am not finished with India. I cannot tell you what that means or where it will take me. I simply know that God is calling me there. He has shown me how my talents can be used to help this ministry that is near and dear to my heart. We shall see where that burning spark takes me in my life. If there is anything that I have learned from spending 6 months of my life in India, it is that God is indeed at work. In my life. In yours. In those all around the world who struggle with problems greater than many of us will ever have to face in our lives. In any problems you may have, know that the Lord is right next to you, every step of the way. You are never alone. We are all God's children and He loves us all the same.

I am going to end with the lyrics from one of my absolute favorite songs. It sums up my 6 months and how I am feeling right now.

I woke up this morning
Saw a world full of trouble now
Thought, how'd we ever get so far down
How's it ever gonna turn around
So I turned my eyes to Heaven
I thought, "God, why don't You do something?"
Well, I just couldn't bear the thought of
People living in poverty
Children sold into slavery
The thought disgusted me
So, I shook my fist at Heaven
said, "God, why don't You do something?"
He said, "I did, I created you"

If not us, then who
If not me and you
Right now, it's time for us to do something
If not now, then when
Will we see an end
To all this pain
It's not enough to do nothing
It's time for us to do something

I'm so tired of talking
About how we are God's hands and feet
But it's easier to say than to be
Live like angels of apathy who tell ourselves
It's alright, "somebody else will do something"
Well, I don't know about you
But I'm sick and tired of life with no desire
I don't want a flame, I want a fire
I wanna be the one who stands up and says,
"I'm gonna do something"

We are the salt of the earth
We are a city on a hill (shine shine, shine shine)
But we're never gonna change the world by standing still
No we won't stand still
No we won't stand still
No we won't stand still

If not us, then who
If not me and you
Right now, it's time for us to do something
If not now, then when
Will we see an end
To all this pain
It's not enough to do nothing
It's time for us to do something

("Do Something" by Matthew West)

I want to be the one to do something. <3 <3

Last Post from India...

Honestly, this blog post has been the most difficult for me to write. There are so many things that I want to say. So I've just decided that I'm going to keep writing until my heart is content.

First of all, the Bible verses that are really pulling me through this week are James 1:2-4. They say, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." God did not make our lives perfect or easy. The trials and struggles that come in our life are there to help us. God wants us to learn from them and build our strength and perseverance because of them. I have a trial ahead of me this week. It kind of feels like this huge dark rain cloud that's looming over me. There's not going to be anything easy about saying goodbye to Carmel. But these verses remind me that this is just another trial in my life that God will help me to overcome. Another trial that will build up my perseverance and patience and deepen my faith. It is a wonderful reminder that I will most likely need to read over and over again on my plane rides back home.

The second thing I want to talk about is the incredible teachers that I've been able to work alongside for the past 6 months. They have become such great friends and have taught me so much. Seeing them in action teaching the kids that I love with all my heart has only deepened my respect for them. They have taught me the things that matter most to be a great teacher. These things are: patience, compassion, perseverance and good rapport with your students and fellow teachers. I look up to them so much and am going to miss spending time with them. But I won't ever forget the great times that we shared...conducting a week-long training for them my second week here and being so nervous, but then enjoying teaching them so much that my nerves disappeared. Sharing lunch with them on various occasions. Taking part in numerous throwball tournaments with them. Playing games with them and their students on Saturdays. Receiving flowers for my hair "just because." Preparing for programs and functions together. Dancing and playing tug of war at the team's community dinner in January. So many wonderful memories with so many dear friends. I feel so lucky to have established such great relationships with many of Carmel's amazing teachers.

I want to also mention 3 boys. The 3 boys who I actually dedicated one of my first posts to (the 3 boys who lost both of their parents - who were both HIV +). Udhaya, Sathish and Lokesh have become SUCH an important part of my life over these past 6 months. I love them with my whole heart. I call them my "thambis," which is Tamil for younger brothers. I've always thought it would be nice to have a brother and now God has blessed me with 3! The amazing relationships that God has formed between me and these boys are something that I am extremely thankful for. The other day, as we are sitting in study, Udhaya said something that really pulled my heartstrings. He said, "Aunty, you stay here 6 months. Only that time I am happy, Aunty." That truly made my heart break. It broke my heart to know that when I leave, he will be feeling sad. I tell them all the time that when they are sad, I am also. So, for Udhaya to share this with me, it made me realize just how much he loves me and how very much I love him and his brothers. Every day these boys put a smile on my face without fail. I've been fortunate enough to celebrate all three of their birthdays while I've been here. Their smiles, the sweet words, and the jokes that we have shared are SO special to me. I truly feel honored to call all 3 of these amazing boys my thambis. I am going to miss Udhaya, Sathish and Lokesh so much that my heart aches just thinking about it.

On Wednesday, the onslaught of gifts began. When I stay here for 2 weeks, I usually receive a bunch of drawings and maybe a few letters. But this literally has been overwhelming. On Thursday (for example), I received 14 gifts and 1 beautifully written 4-page letter (from my thambi, Sathish). You should see the pile of gifts waiting in my room to be packed!! However, these are such sweet and thoughtful gifts that I will most definitely cherish them and display them in my room. It fills my heart with such love to think that these kids would want to spend their money on a gift for me. These kids and teachers are beyond incredible (those words don't even begin to describe them) and I feel SO blessed to know them and call them my family.

On Thursday evening, the teachers held a special farewell ceremony for me. It was amazing. It touched my heart that they would take the time to speak about me in English in front of all the teachers and Backiearaj Sir (just speaking in English is a huge feat for many of them). Their words made me realize the impact that I have had on them over these past 6 months. They made me see that I've surpassed even my own goals for this journey. God truly does incredible things and I am in awe of His work at Carmel. These teachers are providing such an amazing opportunity for the many children of the Dharmapuri district. I am just happy to have been a small piece of that.

These 6 months at Carmel have been full of so many blessings. There have been difficult times, but the blessings have far outweighed the hardships. The entire experience has been something that I will NEVER forget. It has changed my life in more ways than one. My priorities have changed. My faith has grown immeasurably. I have gained 3 awesome younger brothers whom I love with all my heart. I've bettered my teaching skills. The list goes on and on...

The love I have received over these 6 months has given me a new mindset, a new way of thinking. I will never forget my Carmel family. NEVER. They are one of the most important things in my life. While this week has been sad and I know the next two days will only be more difficult, one truth remains with me. The overwhelming amount of love and affection that has been displayed to me is something that will always stay with me. Saying goodbye will be tough; there's no doubt about it, but I cannot forget that God is building up my faith and perseverance through all of this heartache and sadness.

I'd like to end on this thought. God is at work all around the world. He is at work through both the good times and the bad. He is at work in each of our lives; sometimes we just need to seek Him out a little more carefully. But really and truly, God is at work; and when you are able to witness it, it's a pretty incredible thing.

Thanks for sharing this unforgettable journey with me. <3

Time is Winding Down

A few weeks ago, I was looking at my planner to plan out the remaining weeks of my spoken class and to determine the date for my second and final spoken test. I was shocked to discover that I only had 6 weeks left. And... that was a few weeks ago. It is now the middle of February, and exactly 3 weeks from today, I will be in the middle of my long journey home.

Time is now going faster than I can even keep track of. It's out of control and I really wish it would slow down a little. However, I can say with 100% certainty that I'm not wasting one second of my remaining time. Aside from sleeping, showering and my free period at school, I spend every minute with the kids. We eat dinner together. We wait for the bus together. We play together. We study/lesson plan together. We pray together. We work together (when they let me help, that is). We eat tiffin together. We go to school together. And, that is exactly how I plan on spending these last 3 weeks.

3 weeks. That is all that is left of what is undoubtedly one of the most incredible experiences of my life. 3 weeks left to teach at Carmel Matriculation School, a place where the staff and students have taught me more than I could ever even begin to put into words. 3 more weeks to see the smiles of my 400 students everyday...smiles that fill my heart with so much joy. 3 weeks more to talk with the most inspirational teachers around; many of whom have become great friends (Sumathi, Dhinakaran, Bharkath, Revathi, Nagarajan, Sathiya, Physics Sir, Vani, Dhanush, Srinivasan, Yogi, Prabhu...just to name a few). 3 weeks to play football every day at the hostel with my boys. 3 weeks to wake up at 6:15am every morning to praise God with my Indian family. 3 weeks to spend with my brothers and sisters who I love with EVERYTHING that's in my heart...Udhaya, Madesh, Prem, Lokesh, Sathish, Gabriel, Albert, Annamalai, Arivu, Sakthivel, Arunpandiyan, Poovarason, Shanker, Senthil, Immanuel, Mahendran, Gokul, Renuga, Susmitha, Adhithya, Nathiya, Nandhini, Joyce, Gomathi, Kalai, Suganya, Soniya, Priya, Kamalaveni, Gayathri, Kavithayeni, Suruthi, Santhiya, Parimala, Dhanalakshmi, Mohanasankhiri, Dharshini, Varnisha, Banupriya (I know I'm missing more than a few). 3 weeks left to see my incredible sponsor children who I think the world of, Karthick and Shalini. 3 weeks to talk with my dearest Freenama, whose chats I keep very close to my heart. 3 weeks to spend with Karthick, Raja and Rajesh, 3 amazing young men who are the hardest working people that I know and I am very lucky to call my friends. 3 weeks to give Sunday messages that (hopefully) inspire and encourage these children as their relationship with the Lord blossoms. 3 weeks left to enjoy with the special project children who made their way into my heart the moment that I first met them in October. 3 weeks to witness all of God's work that is taking place at Carmel. 3 weeks is all that remains.

While I cannot even think about what saying goodbye to these kids will be like, there are some really mixed emotions that are twirling around in my mind and heart. On one side, I have such feelings of sorrow and sadness to leave my Carmel family behind. But, on the other hand, I have such excitement and anticipation to get home and see all of my family and friends. To hug my Mama for the first time in 6 months (that is a VERY long time not to hug your mama). To joke around with my Padre. To hug my 90-year-old grandmother who usually sees me at least 3 times a week and is missing me like crazy (and vice versa :)). To spend time with my big sister and give her the long overdue hug that I've owed her since events that occurred in December. To cuddle my sweet Buddy, who I've missed more than what is probably normal for your dog. To love on ALL of my babies at my job. To chat with my 2 best friends at work. To be reunited with my best friends and meet a very special baby boy (whose birth I missed while I was away). To see my best friend who happens to live on the opposite side of the country. To meet my best friend's daughter, whose baptism I missed and who is now CRAWLING, I might add. To go to my own church (which is like a second home for me) and see my EPPC family and meet our new pastor (who I helped to select prior to leaving). To see the 2 families that I've babysat for the past 3 and 11 years respectively, whose children I adore with all my heart. To have my very much anticipated bacon cheeseburger, cold glass of milk and PIZZA, which I've been dreaming about for the past 5 months. I have so many things to look forward to upon my return home, but I have an extremely sad goodbye that I have to get through first.

All I can do is enjoy each second of these last 3 weeks. Spend it fully loving my Carmel family and my amazing students. Putting my heart and soul into teaching and loving these kids who will always hold a special place in my heart. Not talk about any goodbyes until it's time to leave. I am not here to be sad, but to love these children with all that I am and to share the love of Jesus Christ with them, whose love is greater than anything else on this Earth.

Happy Birthday

Living at a hostel with about seventy children for six months just about guarantees that I will celebrate more than a few birthdays with them. I've made an effort to help make their birthday special by making each birthday boy/girl a Rainbow Loom bracelet using their favorite colors. In Semmandakuppam, the birthday traditions at school are as follows. The child gets to wear their new "birthday dress" to school and their parents give them enough candy ("chocolates") to share at school with their friends and teachers. Getting to wear a birthday outfit (or something they already own if their parents don't buy them a new dress) is special because all of the children, no matter their school, wear uniforms.



Yesterday, I got to celebrate one of my best friend's birthdays, Madesh. I was SO happy to be here to celebrate his birthday with him. Madesh is studying XI standard and turned 17 on January 27th. He has lived at the hostel now for seven years. His mother cultivates watermelons and his father doesn't work due to leg pain he has from a previous accident that he was involved in. Madesh is such a responsible young man with a smile that could light up anyone's day no matter what kind of day they're having. He is a great leader to the younger boys at the hostel and is a wonderful role model for them. He is also an awesome cricket, volleyball, football and kickball player. Madesh is an all-around awesome kid.

I started off his day by singing to him with all of the hostel children after devotion and giving him his red-and-white bracelet. He was thrilled. That evening, I went to give Madesh a pack of gum as an additional birthday gift. When I caught up with him, he handed me a small chocolate bar, saying "Here's my birthday chocolate for you. Take it, Aunty." When I asked him where he got it, he told me he bought it at his school canteen. It was such a selfless act that it just blew me away. Here it is, his birthday, and he spends 10 rupees at school to buy ME a chocolate bar in order to celebrate HIS birthday. It put it into perspective for me just how special these kids are and how much love they have to share.

One part of Madesh's birthday that made my heart ache was that his mother nor father ever came to see him that day. Keep in mind that Madesh doesn't live with his family; he lives at a hostel. This means that he sees his parents about six times a year for a couple of hours on parents meeting days at the hostel, in addition to the one and a half months that the children spend at their homes for the summer holidays. His parents couldn't take twenty minutes out of their day to come and see their only son (Madesh is an only child) on his birthday. It broke my heart because their son is absolutely incredible. I would be SO fortunate if one day God blessed me with a son like Madesh. How could his parents not make an effort to come and at least see their son on his birthday?

In America, there are parents that spend THOUSANDS of dollars on their children's birthday parties. They have to buy the matching cups, plates, silverware, tablecloths, giftwrap, banners...all stuff that gets thrown in the trash. There are children who, if they only get a few small gifts, throw huge temper tantrums because really more is better isn't it? Have you ever seen that show on MTV called, "My Super Sweet 16?" That just about sums up the extent to which Americans will go to celebrate "ME." If you haven't seen it, don't bother wasting your time. It's enough to make your skin crawl.

Madesh taugh me a couple of things on his birthday. He taught me to always put others before yourself, no matter the circumstances. He taught me to smile through everything because there really are bigger obstacles you could be going through. I'm so happy to celebrate the birthday of such an incredible young man. I pray that he follows the Lord's plan for his life because I know God has great things in store for Madesh. Happy birthday, Madesh. <3

Surprise!

On Sunday, January 5th, I got one of the biggest surprises of my life...no doubt about it. I was lined up with the children, very anxiously waiting for the team members to climb off of the bus. After being reunited with one of my favorite uncles, he encouraged me to come and see the rest of the team. As I walked closer to the bus, I saw something that I could not quite believe. What was it? My DAD. Boy, was that one hug that I will never forget!

There's been more than a few clues for my dad that India means a lot to me. I talk about it non-stop at home. My room is covered with photos and treasures from India. I sponsor now two children at Carmel. I look forward to every trip like a little kid on Christmas Eve. I've been there now six times. And, probably the biggest and most obvious of them all, I'm living here for six months. I think it has been fairly clear to him since my first trip to India in 2009, that India is a special part of my life. However, I don't think he ever truly understood. He would easily get tired of me talking about it so much and ask me to stop. He would see me putting up a new India photo in my room and ask, "Another one?" If I am being completely 100% honest, my dad is the last person I ever expected to get off of that bus.

But, boy am I extremely happy that he did!!!! I loved showing him around the wonderful place that has become my second home. I loved introducing him to his sponsor child, Ilayaraja. I loved introducing him to all of the awesome kids who have become my brothers and sisters. I loved having him sit in the back of my spoken class and seeing me do what I love. I loved sharing my "appa" with my second family. Most of all, I loved being able to share my passion with him. I've always been close with both of my parents, but it's a really incredible feeling to be able to share your passion with parents. My mom made my first trip to India with me so she was able to witness the beginning of it. But now my dad has seen me living my dream and I am so proud that he was able to see me at my best. I am so happy he was able to see the reason I wake up every morning at Carmel with a smile on my face. The reason I can live in a faraway country for six months and not feel homesick for one minute.

I am incredibly thankful that he made the decision to come and see me. I truly hope that he was able to see why I love Carmel so much and why India means the world to me.

Padre ~ Thank you for coming such a long way to come and see your "baby." I hope it was easy for you to see my purpose for being here. I love you SO much. I am so so happy that you got to meet my amazing second family and see how I am living out God's plan for my life. I hope (like always) that I am making you proud of me. See you soon! <3 <3

January Team Visit

First of all, my sincerest apologies for not posting in quite some time. I know many of my friends really look forward to my blog posts, so I'm sorry for keeping you waiting!! It's been an incredibly busy past few weeks with the team's visit. We had a team of about 15 this year. I must say that it has truly been amazing to be on the other side of this visit. For the past five years, I've always been one of the team members so I only knew the visit from that perspective. But, having arrived in September (a little less than four months prior to the team's annual visit each January), I got to experience it from a completely different perspective.

It's been incredible seeing how much effort and emotions go into the team's 10-day stay. I've seen it all. The weekly prayers for the team members (which had been taking place at least since my mid-September arrival). I've seen the hard work by all of the teachers and staff (at both the school and hostel) that goes into all of the special activities like Sports Day, the Science Exhibition, the Pongal Cultural Activities, the Sing Song Service, the FKP Cultural Program and the Community Dinner. The effort by all of the FKP sponsor children to prepare for the FKP cultural program including: memorizing Bible verses in English (some members 5-10, others 20-30, one 15-year-old boy memorized 50!), planning matching outfits and props, and a load of dance practices (during school, after school, in the evening and some taking place at 10 o'clock at night). All of the planning and preparations that go into making the three meals and afternoon tea that the team enjoys each day. The selflessness of Karthick, who checked the fridge multiple times each day to make sure the team had cold water and soft drinks at all hours of the day. All of the excitement and anticipation that builds up to the team stepping off of that bus and entering the gates of the hostel. The ear-to-ear grins on the children's faces as they see their sponsors for the first time in one or two years. The hugs and high fives shared with team members as the children greet them along both sides of the driveway. The incredible sense of joy that fills the air during the entire time that the team is there. The small conversations between team members and children that give the children a smile enough to last them the whole day.

I've also seen the more difficult times that the team's visit brings. The sadness and tears of the children as they hug their sponsors tightly, hoping and praying that they return next January. The disappointment the children feel when they do not get as much time to spend with the sponsors on a particular day. The overwhelming silence that surrounds the hostel when the bus pulls away. The sorrow the children feel in their hearts when they realize they have to wait a whole year to receive love...love that only the team gives them. Backie and Freena's sadness as they have a special goodbye ceremony for their loving sponsors.

All of these things I've seen and experienced over the past two weeks, both good and bad, I would not trade for anything in the world. The one thing that I have witnessed most prevalently through the team's stay is an enormous amount of love. The entire community of Carmel (not only the children, but all of the staff, teachers and Backie and Freena too) love the team with all of their hearts. They work so hard and put forth so much effort out of pure love for these people who they only see once a year. They treat them like they are kings and queens. They love them as their own family. Those two weeks in January are undoubtedly the highlight of their entire year. Spending time simply talking with the team members is something they cherish like nothing else. They know the team members have families, friends, jobs, lives back in America; so it makes them feel especially loved to know that these team members would take two weeks out of their hectic schedules to spend here at Carmel.

I am beyond thankful that I now have this perspective to keep in my mind. It is now even clearer to me the need for a team to visit Carmel every year. I've had many people ask me, "Wouldn't it be better to take the money that is spent for a team to visit Carmel for two weeks and simply mail Backie and Freena a check instead?" I always used to struggle with that question because I knew it was a sincere amount of money that could be used well, but I also knew how much joy filled my own heart on every trip (let alone the children's). But now, I have no doubt in my mind that the answer to that question is an absolute "NO WAY!" No way does money or "stuff" make these children and everyone at Carmel feel as loved and as cherished as a team's visit does.

I believe that every one of these children deserve every ounce of love and joy they get when the team comes. They are living in a culture where affection is not encouraged; where no one even blinks when a child is beat; where an overwhelming number of parents are not able to care for their children; where a child or adult with HIV/AIDS is completely shunned in the community in which they live. These kids deserve every hug and every laugh that is shared with a team member. It may be seem small or even seem like nothing to you, but I can tell you that it is the world to these children.

I am SO thankful to the wonderful team that came to visit my second family this year and also for all of those awesome team members that have come on previous trips to Carmel. Thank you for sharing your time and money to come and love these kids. I hope you all know just how much your visits have meant to the entire community of Carmel. <3

A New Year

As 2013 comes to a close, I look back at the year that God has blessed me with. If I chose 4 highlights from this year, they would be:

1. the decision to follow my dream
2. being blown away by an enormous amount of love and support from all of my family and friends
3. meeting a wonderful group of lifelong friends and prayer partners from all around the world as well as gaining a huge amount of knowledge and skills at ILTI 2013 (an amazing literacy training led by LEI in Tulsa, OK)
4. the chance to celebrate Christmas with the most incredible kids I know

God has overwhelmed me with blessings this year. I feel almost unworthy of all He has provided for me. While I am beyond thankful for all the blessings, I am also extremely thankful for the trials of 2013. It is through those trials that God has shown me His power and His love. It is through those trials that God has deepened my faith and brought me through an even stronger person than before. In my life and the lives of those around me, I have seen God hard at work this year. The power and love of the Lord astounds me and it's an amazing thing to see if you just look carefully.

Obviously, the biggest part of 2013 for me was getting on a plane and beginning my 6-month stay in Semmandakuppam, India. I look back at the past three and a half months in awe of God's love. He has been with me every step of this incredible journey. I am so thankful that I have never, not once, felt alone while I've been so far away from home. These children have taught me more than I could even begin to put into words. They are my best friends, my brothers and sisters. I love each of them with everything that's in me. Teaching alongside the teachers of CMS has been an experience that I will not forget in this lifetime. Backie, Freena and all of the staff of Carmel Children's Home inspire me every single day.

To be starting a new year with my Carmel family is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that I will, not for one minute, take for granted. I am so lucky that God has given me this enormous blessing of being here with these amazing people. I could not be more excited for what 2014 will bring. This year, I am not making any resolutions because when I think about it, my future is not in my hands, it's in the Lord's. He is in control of my life and knows what's next for me. For Proverbs 16:3 says, "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans."

Already, I know that 2014 will bring many trials and joys. Some of them include...

*the team's visit to Carmel
*the second half of my unforgettable Carmel stay
*one of the most difficult goodbyes I may ever experience
*a most joyous reunion with my family and friends that will be 6 months in the making
*determining what's next for me in my life

But, as I look forward, I have no worries or fears because I know that God will be with me every step of the way. I hope that you all read this post and get inspired to feel the same. God is with each one of us as long as we just believe in Him. He is great...just let Him know it!! A very happy new year is wished to all who read this post. God bless you and your family in 2014!